In awesome memory of a friend and brother
My really dear friend Alvin passed away recently at the age of 26. This caused me to be a bit unsettled in my emotions and spirit. There are some things I have been thinking about at this time.
Why am I not sad?!!
When I heard the news of Alvin’s death, I did not feel shocked, or sad, or anything. I was shocked that I did not feel shocked! I asked myself why there were no deep emotions evoked by this news. I head about it on a Saturday and the whole of sat and Sunday I was asking myself these questions and reflecting on my emotions. I was certainly not happy, but certainly not wailing (physically or emotionally) either. Was it because I am cold hearted? I don’t want to be cold hearted! Was it because I am selfish and only thinking about my life and my problems? I don’t want to be selfish!
It was only when I went to the funeral service on Sunday, that I realized why. The main reason is because of the way
Alvin lived his life. It is the observation of all the people around him, friends, the youth that he mentored, his colleagues, his army friends, his school mates, that this man was an honorable man who lived a life that left no regrets.
I have never known him to speak unkind words, to be unhelpful, to be impatient. His musical talent was always used to bring joy to prople and never to show off. His time was used to serve the people around him and to serve the foreigners in our country. Two of the testimonies at the funeral were by foreign students who received care and love through Alvin. Wow a few days of a man's time can really impact another person's life so powerfully. Its amazing.
Even his parents, for whom this is probably the most painful, are able to be strong because Alvin was a good son, recognized for his grace and love. His life was a purposeful one and not a wasted one. No parent can bare to part with a child who wasted his life because so much potential went unused, but the parting is made much easier knowing that their son did not waste his earthly life. The shear number of people at the funeral (filling both rooms + the entire hallway, standing room only!) is a testimony of the fruitfulness of Alvin’s life. He may only be 26 yrs old at the time of his death. But he has made a bigger and more positive impact in the world that many who live up to 90 or 100 yrs old. His “life value/year” is indeed awesome. In this we have no reason to be sad, indeed such a purposeful and directed life is a reason to rejoice.
What I mean to say is NOT that it is wrong to cry, feel grief, or mourn. These are ok and indeed natural. What I want to avoid at all costs is the feeling of hopelessness that is apparent at most funerals. We grieve, but we do not have sorrow, we cry but we do not get depressed.
What can I learn?
One of the main learning points for me is that our personality does NOT determine our usefulness. All of us can fulfill awesome and special destinies as long as we are willing, and do not let other distractions hinder us. We don’t need to be great speakers, great entertainers, great singers, dancers, musicians, athletes, or the life of the party to be a wonderful influence to those around us. Some people would be shocked by the impact of Alvin’s life and the number of people at the funeral. He was a quiet man, “low profile”, who served without a calculative attitude. He did things the way mother Theresa did “small things with great love”. I myself tend to the side of talkative and fun-loving. But this is one of the clearest real life example i have seen of whats inside being of such great value compared to whats on the outside.
I want to keep this in mind as I grow more mature. It’s not wrong to be sociable, to speak well, to be well known. But I also recognize that it’s not for myself that i am given these gifts, but so that the people we talk to can be encouraged and inspired. Whatever influence I may have, is not so my ego can be pumped up, but rather so that I have the chance to share with people hope and joy! With my speech, and more importantly, with my life. This is why I’m sad when I hear people swearing, saying unkind words, and saying words that are filled with hoplessnes, faithlessness and cursing. This is awaste of the gift of communication that we have been given. Planting words of kindness are so much more plesant but sometimes feeling small inside and bad about ourselves may hinder us from doing so.
Finally...
Even in death, a life like Alvin's can inspire and encourage us, his example is so wonderful, we could all afford to incorporate elements of his character into our own lives.
